Feedback Thoughts: How to Still Write When Comments Freak You Out

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The first article I read was 5 Tips For Taking Feedback Like a Champ. They had some good advice, but I think this part was the most important take-away for me: "Use mindfulness and self-compassion to react in a productive way." In this section, they went on to say, "When we can treat ourselves with empathy, compassion, and believe we are "good enough" amidst or flaws and weaknesses--while still desiring growth and development--we make space for the painful feelings that come up when someone gives us feedback."

I think this is my biggest problem right now. I have mentioned that I write fan fiction and have a follower for my current story that gives criticism that is usually not constructive. Some of the things she says just plain hurt, because I feel like she is trying to force me to head in the direction she wants me to write in, to the point where she seems angry if I don't take her suggestions. In the end, I am the one writing the story, and I will write it how I want to. It's a community, and there is nothing wrong with making comments and suggestions. I need to learn how to handle the negative ones better, and learn how to respond better to them. There have been times when she has made good suggestions and we had a healthy discussion, and there have been times when I have had to say "this is how I see it for this story, and it's fine if you don't agree." The ongoing problem for me is that it's draining, and it makes me not want to write the story anymore. So while I have been trying to have more empathy for her and to see her and other people's perspectives, maybe I need to be showing myself more empathy and compassion as well, so that I can respond better to others without feeling overwhelmed.

The second article I read was Overcoming the Fear of Feedback. They listed the following steps as a good strategy for dealing with feedback.

1. Analyze the feedback,

2. Ask questions to better understand

3. Thank them

4. Strategize ways to improve based on your feedback

5. Set goals for yourself based on these strategies

I think they made some good points in this article. I especially agree with thanking the person for the feedback, even if it didn't feel positive. Maybe especially then, because if anything, making the effort to appreciate getting feedback and spending some time thinking about it can help you sort through what changes you may or may not need to make. It also shows the person that you are open and willing to consider other perspectives besides your own.